In life we all desire to know and to be known; to understand and be understood; to love and be loved. At this point in my life I desire to understand and to be understood – to continue to make sense of the new environment I am in. To better understand the people I work with, to understand why I do the things I do, and to understand God in my life.
I was listening to a talk recently by Richard Rohr, who btw I think is so profound. He was talking about our need as humans to exercise control in our lives. This could be through controlling the people around us, by excessively planning our lives, or by seeking to understand the things around us. When he mentioned understanding, he had my complete attention. He relates it to how we are able to feel safe, secure, or superior when we are able to make sense of why things happened the way they did. Like finding a reason in why you were late to work, or why you took a different running route that day, or which church you ended up going to. By seeking to understand why things unfold in our lives the way they do, it allows us to feel like we have everything under control and that we understand the events that make up our lives. The, “I got this”, mentality.
Looking at my own life, I never thought that my need to understand the world around me was a way to exercise control in my life – I just thought that it was mere curiosity. However, the more I looked at it I could see how my need for understanding was preventing me from entering into the full mystery of Christ. A couple years ago at a retreat, I was looking for some kind of meaning or significance to a word that I received in prayer that evening. Later, I found myself talking to a Jesuit priest and he simply said to me, “There can be consolation with no cause”….
What?! That was it?
…Ok, thanks for the advice Yoda. Yes he had answered my question, but I was frustrated because that wasn’t the answer I was looking for. But underlying that, I knew he was inviting me to be ok with the mystery of not knowing – and that made me uncomfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, God gave us our intellect to rationalize and reason, but God is everything and nothing all at once. The more I learn about God, the more I realize that I don’t know Him – but I guess that’s how paradoxes work. I hope that in the areas of our lives where we feel helpless, insecure, or afraid of the unknown, God may invite us to contemplate the mystery of Christ.
chasingtheinvisiblesun 